I know this may come as a surprise to many of you since I seem to be so stress-free, but really I must confess it's all an act. No one can be as stress-free as I seem to be without faking it. Says the girl who wears any and all emotion on her sleeve!
Fear is a funny thing in my life. After the Connecticut shootings, I was heartbroken and sad. I was devastated for the families. I couldn't control my sobbing (I know that is another shocker). And yet, I didn't give fear a foothold. I know my children's teachers. I know a lot of the staff. I know that as best as they could have been, my children would have been protected.
So when it came time to send them back to school, I had no misgivings or second thoughts.
None.
But when it comes to someone getting sick--very sick--or not being able to pay the bills, I tend to panic. I stress. I imagine all the bad things that could possibly happen and I mull over them. I chew on them and can't spit them out.
Why is it not hard for me to trust God that my children are safe in his hands when so many violent people are in this world, but when we may not be able to pay our credit card bill off this month, I go into a flurried tizzy?
The thing about fear is that is absolutely does not make sense. At. All. It's not supposed to. When we fear, it is hard trusting God. And I'm not saying this to condemn anyone. I fear all the time.
So this year, in my quiet time, I am studying PEACE. True peace resides in our hearts. It's not something we do or something we make happen. It's a state of being.
And I want to live peace. I want to be able to stand solidly no matter how much water is rushing down on my head and say, "I know that God is bigger than this."
I want to say, "I know that God doesn't forsake me."
I want to say, "If he can give Abraham and Sarah a baby at age 100 and 90 respectfully, this is a piece of cake."
But I don't. Instead I say audibly (repeatedly), "I am scared God. But I am choosing to trust you."
As I study peace, I am hoping to be able to not have to repeat audibly my phrase of hope that I will just believe it.
But if I need to repeat that phrase for the rest of my life, so be it.
Because I do get scared! And I am trying to trust God.
What do you want to know in your heart this year?
I remember some of these same stuggles when I was about your age.. and never thought I would be able to conquer what I was feeling... and then along came a big problem ( my eyes, a very important thing for an artist) and I found true strength to not fear...............so ,, keep going ,, you will find it.. this strenght we don't think we have,, we have it.. it is inside us...God's power ,, .. the biggest thing you have already done,, recognizing your fear...
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